They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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