Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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