he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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