That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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