When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
