...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
tell me about the eggs
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