Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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