You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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