Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
