none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
