Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
These tits shall not be calmed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
