We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
