Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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