I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
