she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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