Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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