she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
