Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.