its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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