I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?