Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
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If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.