I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
