is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
