I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
