Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
