It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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