the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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