My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
