My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
