all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
