omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Randomize
