It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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