i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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