I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
