at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
