I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize