Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Acid is not a monday night drug
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
