My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want her autograph on my taint
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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