Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize