You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass