So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends