I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.