If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.