i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.