508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dignity is for republicans.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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