Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
