when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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