The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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