I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
