Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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