You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
