His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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