I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
