She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
