Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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