dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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