Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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