The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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