How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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