Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
