Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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