somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
