My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm having to shit out rocks
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