I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
