know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
