guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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