Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want to be your penis for a week.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
