My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
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Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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