Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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