her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
