when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
